memory


Have you ever experienced things in your life? It is either good or bad. I don’t have a really clear memory so I often forget about things I shouldn’t have forgotten. I can’t recall the feeling of experiencing good things but I do remember I have this one precious memory which I am not sure whether to share it here or not. I am afraid that nobody will understand what I’ve been keeping in this black void inside my heart. 

I took a few minutes trying to think of any precious memory I have in my mind and I could only find one. Being a child is my precious memory because I did not have to think about anything. I was so carefree and reckless, like how all children are supposed to be. Childhood was much better than this whole “adulting” process, which is, I have to say, painful. Adulthood is all about endless responsibilities. Adulthood is all about settling your never-ending debts. Adulthood for some people is about taking care of children whom you could never be sure of - its either you’re going to be taken care of by them or you’re going to end up in those places where children dump their parents off.

I was very hyperactive and stubborn as a child that I often got scolded by my mom and my dad. I could still remember falling off my bicycle when I was riding in the evening. It was painful but fun. I didn’t really have girls as my friends. Most of my friends back then were boys because there were not many girls in my neighbourhood and I had to bear with that. My friends were very kind but sometimes devastating. They say your friends are the reflection of whom you actually are and yes, I think I do agree. My friends were stubborn and they couldn’t stay still for even a few seconds. 

I was a fool. Never have I thought this process of becoming an adult would be a tough one so I often told my mom I want to grow up fast because I thought being a kid was a painful experience prior to not being able to do whatever I want. As I grow up, I came to realise that growing up is no joke. Growing up is painstaking and for some people, it is all about shedding blood tears but for some people, it is all about lying on beds of roses and you can actually expect that mine was not the latter. In the early part of my journey, I had to deal with a lot of things and I once considered myself as an abnormality, a peculiarity, I even felt like I was not meant to be born in this world. My major problem was fitting in. No matter how many times I tried, I just couldn’t seem to get things right and if its possible, I would turn back time and go back to that time where I didn’t have to care too much.

I would say that I hate to swallow the fact that I am growing up but I will never be capable of stopping this divine law. That time will come for me and even if I try to run, it will still be chasing me, trying to put me where I am supposed to be. I just hope that by the time it arrives, I would already have myself figured out and maybe, holding onto that one precious memory is one of the reasons why some people are standing straight; though they might have been trying to run for so many times.  

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