what's my life

I feel weak. I came across this point where I realized, I was and I am weak. I'm pathetic. I could see it without having to see myself from different point of view. I can't remember but someone told me to stop being so pathetic in an indirect way.

Why in that way?

Because she's afraid if it's gonna hurt...?

Why was she afraid if it's gonna be that way?

Because you seems to be so pathetic. 

I guess I am. I'm pathetic. I made myself vulnerable to everyone. I told everything. I opened up to everyone, hoping they'd try to help and understand me. I hope they'd feel it. I hope they'd give me more attention.

But what if I tell you I lied.
I did lie.
I don't need attention. I need no affection. I really don't. If you ask me what I feel, I feel nothing.

Hate. Pain. Sad.

I felt everything once but they vanished.
It's like my emotion sensory organs disappeared and they're nowhere to be found.
Yeah.

I just don't know anymore.

---

What if you're liking more than one guy simultaneously? Would you do something? Would you tell them? Would you put yourself in an unfortunate situation? Would you tell your friends about it? Would you keep it to yourself? Would you talk to those guys?

They're gonna make you feel utterly bullshit.

But believe me, there's gonna be one who's worth to keep.

Wait and see.

---

I like to argue. I argue a lot in my mind. Denying everything. Defying everything because everything seems to be irrelevant. And it is annoying. Talking to another part of you.

What's the "another part of you".
Ah. You might be thinking it's someone who loves you or bla bla bla but nah. It's just another you. The imaginary you in your mind.

You don't get it?
Okay so to simplify it, take it as your mind which you constantly talk to.

Rebellious.
Nothing's wrong with being rebels. Because sometimes, none would stand for you so you need to stand for yourself. But would you have the courage to stand and fight for yourself and people around you? Gaining courage is a tough one, we know.
Talking back and complaining about everything are much easier. 

But hell no. Someone needs to stand and fight. Talking at the back will change nothing.

---

Time is valuable. Everyone would die for time. If you're being too slow, you're gonna get killed by time. And you can't replace time. You can't. Time is something beyond our control.

And this one particular video taught me something.

When we ran out of time, where did time go? Where?
Nobody knows.

What if time is just a perception created by our minds?
We don't know.

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