screw you

Whaddup. It's been hectic for a while because I'm sitting for final exam T_T
And I'm currently suffering because the papers are tough (maybe it were easy but I didn't put much efforts to study). I should raise my pointer to 3.0 and above.

Screw you exam.

Lately I turned to be more bipolar. Everything seems to bother me. I can't take everything easily even though its a small matter. Life's hard.

I'm mentally tired. And I feel devastated without reasons.

I am all messed up.

That "everyone seems to be hating me" feeling.

I know I'm a pessimist. I can't be positive. Negative thoughts are everywhere in my mind.

OCD.

My friend noticed. But who cares. Be it OCD, bipolar disorder or whatever hell you say, I just don't give a damn.

I'm proud of myself. A girl who has OCD and bipolar disorder. Hey, those things are who I am today. I should be proud, shouldn't I?

But I can't get a good grip on myself.

"Don't watch violent things."
"Keep yourself clean everytime."
"A little dirt; no matter small or big, it's still dirty."

I'm suffering inside. Yet sometimes people try to give helping hands.

No. I don't need your help. I'm trying to trust myself in handling every mess I made. I feel weak when people try to help. Oh, and advising sucks too.

Beneath every soul, there must be some darkness, be it small or big.

You don't understand me and you won't. You don't want to know.

My mind is such a mess.

"Hey, go and be brainless!"

That's so accurate. Perhaps I should try to take my brain out and sell it to anybody.

"Is there anybody who wants to buy your brain?"

That's why. My mind is such a mess and nobody likes it.

Oh and my feelings too. It's more than a mess. Feelings. Guilty, mad, hatred, happy, sad or whatever. Well it's tiring to please everyone.

"Deep in your heart, you're crying. You're not happy."

How did ya know? I'm happy. Too happy to be in this world.

"Cry, cry and cry."

What do you mean?

"You're too weak."

No I'm not.

"You pretend to be strong but you're not. You're such a wuss."

Go away.

"What a poor girl."

Shut up.

The demon in the soul. It kills me slowly.

"Poor girl, go kill yourself."

Suicide is an option. Perhaps I should try?

Where's the angel?

"Why do I act like I'm all mighty? I've finally realized I need help."

The darkness. So easy to ignore yet too hard to be handled.

Screw you.

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